Airport Blog

For whatever reason, I find myself typically writing blog posts while I'm waiting in the airport. Maybe it is because when I'm in the airport it feels like I finally have a few minutes to just sit and be. Sure I have time to sit and be other times, but it is just different. Right now I'm in Texas and I just finished up a week long training getting my Ropes Level 2 Certification through AEI. Just another cert to add to the bag. It was a long, humid week. And I'm very much looking forward to going back to Colorado, for multiple reasons.

Since I tend to be having longer stints of time in between blog posts a lot has happened in my life! And a lot that I am so incredibly excited about. 

I got engaged! On January 10th Mike asked me to marry him and of course I said yes. This past week has been the longest amount of time that we have spend apart since I met him last April. That's kind of weird to think about! But even though it was a really hard week it was so reassuring that this is most definitely the man that I want to spend the rest of my life with. 

As you can imagine trying to plan a wedding and working full time isn't the most fun. But it is coming along very nicely. I feel like I have a really great support system and people who are very willing to help. But ultimately I'm just excited for the "big day" to come and go. I figure in the scheme of things that isn't really what matters, it is what comes before and what continues beyond that day that I'm so excited for. I'm also excited to celebrate with all of my family and friends too! It will be a good day, don't get me wrong! 

Mike and I have been talking about what our futures look like. The things that we want to do and how we want to make the most of the life we have been given. I am confident that it will be a grand adventure with him! 

Work has been going well over all. My most common response when someone asks how it's going is: 'it's a job.' There are ups and downs but most days I enjoy what I do. I'm continuing to learn and grow in my position but to learn and grow means there must be some hardship. I often find myself thinking back to my days spent living in the woods with troubled teens. It even invades my dreams. I look back on those ten months as some of the best in my life. Despite the rain, angsty attitudes and sore muscles. I think that working in Wilderness Therapy was where I have felt most alive and fit best. Of course I know that it wasn't a sustainable lifestyle, but I do find myself scheming of how I could've made it work. Who knows, made I'm not done with Wilderness. 

As for now I am relatively content. I think that I will always have a little voice telling me that there is something else out there; something better, more fun, more fitting, just.. more. And maybe that is true. And also, maybe that isn't a bad thing. What is wrong with moving and trying new things? Experiencing new things! Why would you ever want to stop experiencing?! I think for me that will always be a part of who I am. And I don't want to be held down by what society says is right. I'm not career driven, I'm not "family" driven (I don't want 10 kids and a nice house), I'm not money driven.. I'm driven by the experiences that life has to offer. I want to love people well and serve well. I want to see the world as god created it. I want dirty feet and to laugh often. And I don't think that is wrong or unattainable. So who knows what will come next. But as I said early, I'm sure it will be a grand adventure! 

Oh my! How could I forget. In December my brother, David and his wife, Kendra had their first son! My first nephew. William Ezra Shoemaker. It was so much fun meeting the little guy and just beginning to get to know him. What a beautiful thing it was meeting such a tiny human who, even though I know very little I love very much. I know that he will grow up in a wonderful home with two amazing people as his parents. I can't wait to see how he grows up and into the person he will be. What a beautiful adventure he is on and his parents as well! Congrats guy! I love all three of you so much.

As for now I will sit in the airport. I will enjoy people watching and read a little from my book. I anxiously await being picked up in the Denver Airport from the man I will marry in 71 days! 

I know the posts I have written have been few and far between, but thanks for keeping up. And if I were you, I'd keep an eye out for what comes next, but that's just me. 

Until next time, don't forget to RSVP to my wedding! (Only if you got an invite...)  :]

  

Where has time gone?

For those of you (and I can't imagine that there are any) who have been diligently checking for updates and ergo disappointed in the lack of updates, I apologize. Here is the grand update you all have been waiting for!

Wow - life is good. Did you hear?! LIFE IS GOOD. I have been in Colorado for somewhere over or around 9 months. And out of the four other states I've lived in, this one feels pretty darn right. I love wearing my birkenstocks with socks when there is snow on the ground and not get weird looks. I LOVE that there is barely any humidity. I love the mountains in my backyard. I am learning about the community and appreciate the people who I have relationships with. My job is a job that sometimes is really good and other times not my favorite. But it has taught and continues to teach me more about myself, God, life and how to love people well. So again I say, life is good.

Mike and I have been dating for going on 9 months in January. Just about a month or so after I moved to CO things just clicked. And what a guy he is. It has been so wonderful having someone to do life with. We have learned a lot together and are still learning how to love each other through the everyday stuff. I also love his dog Buddy who has provided me with lots of joy. Since I am living on camp property, I am unable to have a dog of my own, but God is even faithful in the little details of allowing me to "have" a dog through Mike.



 So many fun things have happened and are happening! A little over a week ago, my best friend, Clare got married! It was so awesome being able to stand next to her on that day and celebrate a beautiful love between Clare and Dez. Mike was my date, and turns out we can look pretty snazzy together!

Tomorrow I fly home to Chicago to be with the rest of my family as we are all together this year for Christmas. And this year our family will be growing as we all anxiously await the arrival of my brother, David and Kendra's first child. A new chapter of life for all of us, but especially them as they enter into parenthood. I can't imagine it all will be easy or fun for that matter, but I know that together the two of them will be amazing parents as they lean into each other and God to lead them.

Mike will fly out to Chicago the day after Christmas to hang with my family for a few days. We plan to get Chicago style pizza, see the city and continue to build relationships and just hang out. Unfortunately, Buddy won't be able to make the trip.

And we have lots to look forward to in the upcoming months! In January I finally get my car back from being fixed! I head to the dentist for a short course of Invisalign to correct my moving teeth (I'm very excited)! Mike, his siblings and I will head to Denver to watch the Aves take on the Black Hawks! Mike and I are going to a Gregory Allen Isokof with the Colorado Symphony Concert, part of Mike's Christmas presents! Perhaps something else in January that I can not disclose quite yet!

February I will fly to Texas for a week for work to obtain my Level 2 Ropes Certification. And then In March Mike and I will fly to Florida to spend a week on the beach. Mike will have the opportunity to meet my Dad's side of the family and we both will hopefully get a little sun!

So you see, life is good! Not without bumps in the road or frustrations. But even those are good in hindsight. I am thrilled with where God has lead me through life and will continue to trust in his faithfulness and perfect timing.

Last little bit. December 22 last year was a Tuesday. And it was a Tuesday that I will never forget. It was the Tuesday before the 23, as most 22nd days are. But that 23rd happened to fall on a Wednesday, and Wednesdays were the beginning of shift. Last year on the 23rd I got up and drove to work to live in the woods for 2 weeks with a bunch of troubled teens in North Carolina. And the 22nd was hard. I cried more that day than I ever remember crying. It is amazing to think about how different these days are one year apart. Today, I woke up with news of soon being an aunt. I packed my bag not with a sleeping bag and raincoat and extra toe warmers but with sweaters and climbing gear. I drove to Mike's house with snowflakes gently falling and was greeted with a wagging tail and a wood burning stove. Today, I have shed happy tears and drink a warm vanilla latte next to a Christmas tree. BUT I would not trade that day

a year ago or the 15 days that followed. Instead I remember and in some ways really miss that. I will never forget that Christmas morning, waking up in my sleeping bag on the ground and seeing the faces of those kids who didn't expect anything and received something. It was beautiful. And today is beautiful too.

I think it is so important to remember how different and how similar things are from a year ago. And I encourage you to look back and remember. Maybe life seems harder now than it did then. Look over the past year and seek to understand. But also do not overlook the current joys and gifts that are in your life today - because I promise that if you look, you will find them.

Life is good my friends. I wish you a Merry Christmas. Joyous times with family and friends. And a new year filled with blessings and lots of laughter.

Until next time, just look how cute Buddy is! 

Rough Days

I think the title of this post can be misleading because today really wasn't a rough day. There were parts of it that were more challenging than others but overall, it was a pretty good day.

I think that sometimes it is so easy for us to take what might be a few rough moments and turn that into a whole day. For example this morning I had a situation that hurt my pride and I could feel myself having a really hard time with it, and as I was trying to turn my attention to work my heart just was hurting because of my hurt pride - so I stopped. And I took five minutes to breathe and turn that back over to God and ask him to take that away from me. And he did. But surprise, surprise, it happened a few times today - not just pride but also things that just made my heart hurt or sad.

WHY! Why is it so easy for us me to just dwell and stew in those negative emotions, feelings and thoughts? WHY would I let the devil whisper lies into my ear when it is SO OBVIOUS that Jesus has blessed me and faithfully provided more than I could imagine. WHY do we conceal these thoughts and try to fight and lose by ourselves? I do not want to fight the devil in the dark - I want to see him tremble in the light as Jesus stands by my side.

Today was not a bad day. And I will refuse to let the enemy steal my joy and feed me lies. I am blessed and thankful. I am loved and I love. I am enough and I have enough. I will give more than I can and serve faithfully.

Today was a good day. And tomorrow will be here when it is; but God has given me enough for today and I will have faith he will provide enough for tomorrow as well.

Until next time, let it go and let joy return. 

Colorado Loving

I am so shocked with how fast time passes and yet it has seemed to go by so slowly. I think that may be something that always will be a challenging concept for me to understand.

I don't think that it is possible for me to convey how much I love where I am right now. Life is so good, God is so good and I feel incredibly blessed to be where I am in life.

The summer here at Horn Creek is about half way done and I can't believe how fast this summer is passing. I am enjoying my job, although I am spending more time than I'd like in the office than being outside at the activities. I think that this is due to camp being so new and I am trying to get things up and running from the office standpoint. I have really enjoyed getting to know my staff better and investing into those relationships. I also have loved having a small group of young women. We meet every Monday night and it has been a great experience for me and them as well. I am learning more about myself and what my strengths are. It also has been great to see how being in a community like this has been able to help and challenge me too.

While most days I spend at my desk, and after having worked in Wilderness for almost a year I am trying to appreciate being able to sit in a chair with a back on it and be grateful for that, my evenings and day off is filled with adventure and activity! I recently took up trail running and how convenient that there is a trail head to a National Forest not but 5 minutes away! I have begun to really enjoy seeing how much I can push my body and how much more capable it is than I originally thought! I have gotten stronger and am thrilled by it. My love for climbing has only deepened since I have moved here and I have also developed a love for the simplicity of walking. Oh and I tried mountain biking for the first time! Learning new skills and trying new things is so life giving to me and I thrilled that I have the ability to try new things! I also was able to learn how to ride a motorcycle this past week! Granted I never made it out of first gear and just mastered doing figure eights in the parking lot, but it was still so much fun!

I truly am loving where God has lead me. I love my church, my job, my community, my lifestyle. I love how faithful God has been and has provided for me in ways that I could not expect. I am sure there will be downs as there have been ups but I am living in these moments that I have and enjoying what God brings to me - the good and the hard.

This is just a short update but as time passes, I'll make sure to keep everyone updated. For now - life is so good.

Until next time, drink good coffee and get your feet in the dirt. 

An Update and a Doctor

As I type this out I am on a plane heading back to Colorado. My return trip went a lot smoother than the long travel day on Thursday. My trip was to Dayton, OH to see my brother, David, graduate from medical school. The trip was much welcomed as my past two weeks have been exhausting to say the least. On the 12^th of May some 90 summer staff arrived at camp and since then it has been constant ‘go go go.’ And that is not all bad, indeed a lot of it is good, but tiring nonetheless.

It has been so cool to see the energy that the summer staff brought with them. Even though I am not much older than most of them, I feel like I am. But after the initial (extreme) state of being overwhelmed and things began to settle in, I really grew fond of their presence and in my own time started to get to know the summer staff more personally. During the past two weeks, the 17 staff that I oversee directly spent 3 days in Ropes training, 3 days in Lifeguard training (with me) and then the other days in all staff training and also training their co-staff on how to run the activities. They are also tired, to say the least. But they are a good group of people and I'm really excited to work alongside of them this summer. 

Summer is definitely a change of pace. I had only been at camp for about month (hard to believe) before summer staff arrived. But during that month I had learned a routine that I had grown to love. In the short amount of time that I have lived in CO I have started attending a church that I love. I have been accepted into a community at camp. I have developed deeper friendships with some of my co-workers. And I have made friendships with people in the community. I have been blown away at how fast Westcliffe and this small mountain community has become my home. And I am thankful for that.

I have adventured! With one of my friends from the community who I got connected with after realizing similar passions in life. Together with his faithful dog, Buddy, we have hiked, rock climbed, scrabbled, bouldered, and walked. Both having a passion for adventure and the outdoors, coupled with a sense of presence and closeness with the Creator in nature – our adventures and conversation have been meaningful and eventful. From hiking to the top of Lover’s Leap and getting lost on the way down with only one headlamp and the moon guiding us away from cliffs and ravines to watching the flames dance over a pile of logs with the mountains sleeping in the background. I am thankful for a companion to share these experience with.

So as mentioned I had gotten accustom to a schedule, that I very much liked. I worked very hard from 8a until between 5-8p and on days that it worked out I would leave right around 5 and head out for an adventure with Mike and Buddy. It was pretty great. And then it all changed. Summer staff got here and for the past two weeks I’ve been up at 6 and have worked through 10:30-11p every night. It has been a demanding schedule between training staff, keeping up with emails, providing for 15 horses and leading a small group. It’s been hard not having time to myself. But it has also been so incredible being able to serve, learn and teach alongside all of the people who God has brought to Horn Creek for the summer.

But all of this to say I was pretty excited when last Thursday came around and I made the two-hour drive to Colorado Springs to head out to Dayton for my brother’s graduation. It was a welcomed break from the chaos. I was excited to see my family and I was excited to celebrate this accomplishment with my brother! But as I mentioned earlier my travel plans didn’t go as smoothly as I anticipated. There were two delayed flights and then my seat was given away, which meant a “cancelled” flight and me being put on a later flight. In the end, after quite a bit of frustration on my part,

I arrived and had dinner with both sides of grandparents, parents and my brother and sister-in-law. It was so nice to spend time with all of them and catch up. I’m thankful for who each of them is in my life.

I’d like to take a minute or so to really acknowledge my brother. He truly is an inspiration. I am so blessed to have him as an example in my life. David is gifted in many different areas of his life: musically, academically, inter-personally, with written words. He is a servant and has a heart for people. He is a very hard worker and has a desire to grow and learn more to help better himself and those around him. He (as have my parents and sister) has modeled a loving, successful, dedicated marriage. He shows Christ in the way he lives and through who he is. I am proud to call him my brother. And I am so proud of his accomplishments through these last four years. He not only worked hard in his studies and long hours of clinicals and rotations, but served at his church, played sports and was involved in a community life and not to be forgotten, took great care of Taz the fluffball cat. But seriously, watching my brother receive his doctorate and having the funny hood thing placed over him filled me with joy and pride. Congratulations David. God has big plans for your future, and I’m excited to see what that looks like. I hope through this new and exciting transition you have some time to process these past four years. Love you David!

Alright, well I’m hoping this flight is over soon. I’m also thankful that the baby that was crying for 20 minutes stopped. But I also think that I’m going to take however much longer I have on this flight to enjoy not having to be anywhere or do anything. I really think that especially in our day and age the act of just being is seriously overlooked. There is always going to be another e-mail, another book to read, another meeting to be in, another red light to shake your fist at – but will there always be another moment just like the one you just left? Can we just sit and be comfortable with ourselves not doing anything for 2 minutes? Or is our time then wasted? Something to think about at the next red light – you are forced to just be, to stop, to wait. Try it.

Until next time, may you feel the warmth of the sun on your skin and know it is from God and that it is good. 

Good Ole CO

Man. It feels like it has been months since I last wrote a post. It feels like it has been months since I have been in Colorado. But I haven't even lived here for a whole month! But can I tell you a secret? I am so incredibly happy with where I am in life right now. I am busy and sometimes overwhelmed but I am so so happy. God is good, always.

There are so many things that I want to be able to write and say - but honestly it has been a long day. It's been a long few weeks. Between being thrown into a new job and having to catch on quick to flying out to Seattle for a weekend to get my Lifeguard Instructor cert. I've been re-writing policies and procedures, buying near gear, writing staff training manuals, and attending leadership meetings. I'm in charge of First Aid for all of camp, the horse program, all of the ropes, water and recreation activities. This summer I'll have 17 people directly reporting to me. Did I mention that I'm 24? Sometimes I just stop and think about my job and all of the responsibility that is in my hands. I love what I am doing. I am being challenged daily, I'm learning new things and I am in an amazing community of people!

I've only been here about a month and I feel like I have friends who I have known for months and months. I am connected in a church and go to a small group. I am busy and energized.

Oh and it is so stinkin' beautiful here! Even though we have gotten loaded with snow multiple times. I have also been able to invest in doing things that I love to do like climbing! Yesterday I went out climbing on real rock for the first time this season! It was so much fun and such an incredible natural high. I can't wait to get back out on the rocks and continue to learn more and get stronger. And I really just enjoyed being back in God's creation. Don't worry, I'm sure that I'll post some outdoor climbing pictures soon :)

I know that this isn't that big of an update, but it is also kind of hard to give updates when so much time has passed. I am going to try my best to continue to write more consistently, but please allow for some grace as summer comes closer. My schedule will get nothing but busier.

Until next time, take a deep breath, like a really deep breath, and just be in the moment you are in.

Woah, I need a minute.

Honestly, I don't even know where to start. I kind of think that I should leave this post blank because the thought of how much there is to say leaves me feeling drained.

Let me start here: I am home. For the first time since mid-December aka "Christmas." And it feels great. I think that I'll do this post a little different, let's go in reverse, shall we!

 Saturday: I spent the entire day doing.. nothing. I ate and slept and that's about it. I guess you could say the past week and a half finally caught up with me. It also was snowy and cold here today, and yesterday I was in 70 degree weather in Asheville. So I enjoyed the fact that I could just hide in my blankets on the best bed in the world for the day.

Friday: I woke up fairly early and continued the packing process that I had started Thursday (we will get there, don't worry). I went out to grab coffee with a friend in the morning to say goodbye and then continued to load up Rocky and my trailer. I am always surprised at how much stuff there is. But it all fit and I was ahead of my departure schedule. I swung by Judy's, she is the woman who had the horses that I worked for her. I just missed her but dropped off flowers and a card. And then right around 3:45p eastern time, I hit the road gunning for home. Well kind of. I was planning on stopping about halfway through the trip, an estimated 10.5 hours of straight driving, for the night. However, as I had been warned by my parents earlier hotels book up fast and after stopping in Louisville and then somewhere an hour north of that and having no luck with rooms I decided I was just going to go home. I got home right around 4 am eastern time. Probably makes a little more sense why I hid in bed all day today, huh? I was exhausted.

Thursday: I woke up very early. And immediately, after making coffee, started packing. I knew that I wanted to get out of Asheville quick because I wanted to be able to spend as much time at home as I could. But, packing sucks. However, by 4p I had half of my apartment packed up and some of it already loaded in my car and trailer. Then I headed off to the Y to work one last shift at the climbing wall. It was a much needed break and great to do something that I loved one last time. I wish I had known about this job sooner, I would not have lifeguarded for as long! But, lifeguarding also was what got me connected with Judy and the horses, so for that I'm very thankful. Anyway, after my shift I went back to what I had been calling home for the past year and order some pizza. Shortly after two of my friends from Trails came over to hang one last time. Lots of laughter and memories passed back and forth. And then somewhere around 1a I went to bed.

Wednesday: I got off shift. It had been a pretty weird week for me. Due to some new students in groups who needed more attention, staff had to be moved around to accommodate. Obviously supporting my other co-staff is something that I do not hesitate to do but this meant that some on call staff where sent to my group to fill in. There was a lot of coming and going and also working with staff that I didn't know. It wasn't exactly how I would've liked my last shift to go, but that's how it went so.. yeah. I was back in Alpha, where I had been since December due to the fact the therapists were requesting me. I have watched those students grow and change, so I'm thankful to have been there one last time. When I told them on Tuesday night during our nightly Honor Circle around the fire that this was my last shift, they all cried. I read them a letter that I wrote to the group and handed out small notes I had written individually. They told me:

-You have cared more for me than anyone else ever has
-You listened to me and gave me your undivided attention
-You inspired me to be grateful. To be strong. To be adventurous.
-You have impacted my life in ways you won't know

I did not cry. But I felt overwhelmed by them. I have sat by many fires throughout my life but I will not forget sitting by that fire that night, and I will not forget the people who I sat with and I will not forget the words they spoke into my life. Perhaps I when I can dig it up again I will share with you the letter that I wrote to them. They also wrote me letters that I will keep with me for years to come.

Coming off shift on Wednesday, I had to say goodbye to many people who I have come to respect and value. They had a little ceremony and spoke kind words of my work and my character. For that I am thankful. And I also shared something with them, which I will also share here too. Since my very first day I have journaled, every shift. Some shifts have multiple entries, others only one or two. But during this shift I read through them all. I was taken back to moments and groups, students I hadn't thought about in months. I was taken back to campsites and feelings. To specific moments in time. And I was thankful for those memories. I couldn't believe how much had happened and that was only what I had taken the time to journal about! I wanted to voice my time at Trails but didn't want to be lengthy - everyone just wants to go home after shift. So - I took a sentence or two from each entry, and combined them. It actually turned out really cool, and that is what I shared then and will share now. Here's a little look at my time at Trails:

First day, check / This job is crazy. I am encouraged by the small success. Not saying it is easy, I honestly can't believe it's only been 3 days. / I see so much potential in these kids. / Just saw a kid eating an ant. / I miss my friends and family. / I am thankful. / This staff shift is cool. / Peed on a crawfish unknowingly this morning. / On my way to work Wednesday I got in a car accident. / Killing it with these hikes. / I'm not perfect and this job isn't always easy but it means something. / I put in so much effort. / Girls groups are annoying. / Charlie is..Different. / Tonight we watched the sunset overlooking the mountains and talked about the future. It was beautiful. / I'm working on my tone and gratefuls. / So much beauty. / Lots of rain. / I'm sensing a lot of trouble this week. / I was thinking about how much I have learned from this job. Sometimes I think everyone should work here. / One girl has broken down crying everyday. / 20 minute hike taking 5 hours. / So mad I was tearing up. But the sky was beautiful and I'm thankful that I could walk away and experience that beauty. / Sometimes I get lost in my head. / Talking to a boy pooping. / I wish I had oreos or fruit snacks. / Encouraged by Rachel's (my supervisor) feedback. / Looking forward to Wednesday. / We are hiking the Devil's Elbow. / We are not hiking D-Bow. / I'm thankful for an early night. / I feel supported. / It rained for 16 hrs. / I just want this week to be over. / There is a girl who drives me nuts. But it is good because she will help me grow and challenge me. / Rough morning. / It's going to be fine. / Non-stop chaos. / This has been by far the most taxing shift. / It's 9:34p on a Wednesday and everyone's been asleep for 2 hours. / I'm thankful for a reminder of home. / Today is Christmas morning and it has been very special. / I told two girls they're gradding today and it is always so exciting seeing their reaction. / I know it's only Monday but I'm feeling pretty good about doing a double. / I'm feeling fairly refreshed and confident that this week will go well. I just need to focus on the positive and stay present. / It's January 1st 2016. I can't believe it. / Today is Tuesday, my second Tuesday. It is so beautiful and I'm digging it. / This is my first shift not leading in 12 weeks. / It snowed. / I'm leading again. / I didn't want to work this week but here I am and I'm really trying to make the most of it. / I'm tired. / I feel refreshed after yesterday and ready to rock these next few days. / 2 girls are snoring and my back hurts. / Got up early to sit on the kitchen floor with tea and a banana to read. / This has been a challenging week. / It has been pretty chill here in P-town. / The sun is out and the air is warm. I'm very happy. / We laid in the grass for a while soaking up the sun. / Last night I got hit with a water bottle. / It has been really beautiful the past few days. / Sitting on a beach while the group builds sand castles and the sun plays hide and seek behind the clouds. / A fox ran through camp. / The day is calm and peaceful. / There has been a lot of laughter. / Bear attacked. / There has been so much laughter this shift. / It has been a little wild. / I'm trying to stay present. / I need to be grateful for where I am and take in all I can. / The week is what I make of it. / I just watched the horses play and it was peaceful. / I have cried twice today and it is only 9:30a. / Feels like home. / I've grown so much here. / Right now I feel content and peaceful. / Last shift, check. 

It was powerful for me. And everyone really appreciated it and thanked me. One of my supervisors asked me to give her a copy to hang up. I felt like I left work really well. It will be weird not returning next Wednesday. And honestly, I think that I'm going to miss it too - just not enough to go back.

Well, I think for now that's all I'm going to write. My brain is still feeling pretty fried. I will say that I am so glad to be home and so excited for this week to 'relax' and also continue to prepare for my next adventure. Don't worry, I'll keep you posted!

Until next time, don't forget to let your body rest.