Woah, I need a minute.

Honestly, I don't even know where to start. I kind of think that I should leave this post blank because the thought of how much there is to say leaves me feeling drained.

Let me start here: I am home. For the first time since mid-December aka "Christmas." And it feels great. I think that I'll do this post a little different, let's go in reverse, shall we!

 Saturday: I spent the entire day doing.. nothing. I ate and slept and that's about it. I guess you could say the past week and a half finally caught up with me. It also was snowy and cold here today, and yesterday I was in 70 degree weather in Asheville. So I enjoyed the fact that I could just hide in my blankets on the best bed in the world for the day.

Friday: I woke up fairly early and continued the packing process that I had started Thursday (we will get there, don't worry). I went out to grab coffee with a friend in the morning to say goodbye and then continued to load up Rocky and my trailer. I am always surprised at how much stuff there is. But it all fit and I was ahead of my departure schedule. I swung by Judy's, she is the woman who had the horses that I worked for her. I just missed her but dropped off flowers and a card. And then right around 3:45p eastern time, I hit the road gunning for home. Well kind of. I was planning on stopping about halfway through the trip, an estimated 10.5 hours of straight driving, for the night. However, as I had been warned by my parents earlier hotels book up fast and after stopping in Louisville and then somewhere an hour north of that and having no luck with rooms I decided I was just going to go home. I got home right around 4 am eastern time. Probably makes a little more sense why I hid in bed all day today, huh? I was exhausted.

Thursday: I woke up very early. And immediately, after making coffee, started packing. I knew that I wanted to get out of Asheville quick because I wanted to be able to spend as much time at home as I could. But, packing sucks. However, by 4p I had half of my apartment packed up and some of it already loaded in my car and trailer. Then I headed off to the Y to work one last shift at the climbing wall. It was a much needed break and great to do something that I loved one last time. I wish I had known about this job sooner, I would not have lifeguarded for as long! But, lifeguarding also was what got me connected with Judy and the horses, so for that I'm very thankful. Anyway, after my shift I went back to what I had been calling home for the past year and order some pizza. Shortly after two of my friends from Trails came over to hang one last time. Lots of laughter and memories passed back and forth. And then somewhere around 1a I went to bed.

Wednesday: I got off shift. It had been a pretty weird week for me. Due to some new students in groups who needed more attention, staff had to be moved around to accommodate. Obviously supporting my other co-staff is something that I do not hesitate to do but this meant that some on call staff where sent to my group to fill in. There was a lot of coming and going and also working with staff that I didn't know. It wasn't exactly how I would've liked my last shift to go, but that's how it went so.. yeah. I was back in Alpha, where I had been since December due to the fact the therapists were requesting me. I have watched those students grow and change, so I'm thankful to have been there one last time. When I told them on Tuesday night during our nightly Honor Circle around the fire that this was my last shift, they all cried. I read them a letter that I wrote to the group and handed out small notes I had written individually. They told me:

-You have cared more for me than anyone else ever has
-You listened to me and gave me your undivided attention
-You inspired me to be grateful. To be strong. To be adventurous.
-You have impacted my life in ways you won't know

I did not cry. But I felt overwhelmed by them. I have sat by many fires throughout my life but I will not forget sitting by that fire that night, and I will not forget the people who I sat with and I will not forget the words they spoke into my life. Perhaps I when I can dig it up again I will share with you the letter that I wrote to them. They also wrote me letters that I will keep with me for years to come.

Coming off shift on Wednesday, I had to say goodbye to many people who I have come to respect and value. They had a little ceremony and spoke kind words of my work and my character. For that I am thankful. And I also shared something with them, which I will also share here too. Since my very first day I have journaled, every shift. Some shifts have multiple entries, others only one or two. But during this shift I read through them all. I was taken back to moments and groups, students I hadn't thought about in months. I was taken back to campsites and feelings. To specific moments in time. And I was thankful for those memories. I couldn't believe how much had happened and that was only what I had taken the time to journal about! I wanted to voice my time at Trails but didn't want to be lengthy - everyone just wants to go home after shift. So - I took a sentence or two from each entry, and combined them. It actually turned out really cool, and that is what I shared then and will share now. Here's a little look at my time at Trails:

First day, check / This job is crazy. I am encouraged by the small success. Not saying it is easy, I honestly can't believe it's only been 3 days. / I see so much potential in these kids. / Just saw a kid eating an ant. / I miss my friends and family. / I am thankful. / This staff shift is cool. / Peed on a crawfish unknowingly this morning. / On my way to work Wednesday I got in a car accident. / Killing it with these hikes. / I'm not perfect and this job isn't always easy but it means something. / I put in so much effort. / Girls groups are annoying. / Charlie is..Different. / Tonight we watched the sunset overlooking the mountains and talked about the future. It was beautiful. / I'm working on my tone and gratefuls. / So much beauty. / Lots of rain. / I'm sensing a lot of trouble this week. / I was thinking about how much I have learned from this job. Sometimes I think everyone should work here. / One girl has broken down crying everyday. / 20 minute hike taking 5 hours. / So mad I was tearing up. But the sky was beautiful and I'm thankful that I could walk away and experience that beauty. / Sometimes I get lost in my head. / Talking to a boy pooping. / I wish I had oreos or fruit snacks. / Encouraged by Rachel's (my supervisor) feedback. / Looking forward to Wednesday. / We are hiking the Devil's Elbow. / We are not hiking D-Bow. / I'm thankful for an early night. / I feel supported. / It rained for 16 hrs. / I just want this week to be over. / There is a girl who drives me nuts. But it is good because she will help me grow and challenge me. / Rough morning. / It's going to be fine. / Non-stop chaos. / This has been by far the most taxing shift. / It's 9:34p on a Wednesday and everyone's been asleep for 2 hours. / I'm thankful for a reminder of home. / Today is Christmas morning and it has been very special. / I told two girls they're gradding today and it is always so exciting seeing their reaction. / I know it's only Monday but I'm feeling pretty good about doing a double. / I'm feeling fairly refreshed and confident that this week will go well. I just need to focus on the positive and stay present. / It's January 1st 2016. I can't believe it. / Today is Tuesday, my second Tuesday. It is so beautiful and I'm digging it. / This is my first shift not leading in 12 weeks. / It snowed. / I'm leading again. / I didn't want to work this week but here I am and I'm really trying to make the most of it. / I'm tired. / I feel refreshed after yesterday and ready to rock these next few days. / 2 girls are snoring and my back hurts. / Got up early to sit on the kitchen floor with tea and a banana to read. / This has been a challenging week. / It has been pretty chill here in P-town. / The sun is out and the air is warm. I'm very happy. / We laid in the grass for a while soaking up the sun. / Last night I got hit with a water bottle. / It has been really beautiful the past few days. / Sitting on a beach while the group builds sand castles and the sun plays hide and seek behind the clouds. / A fox ran through camp. / The day is calm and peaceful. / There has been a lot of laughter. / Bear attacked. / There has been so much laughter this shift. / It has been a little wild. / I'm trying to stay present. / I need to be grateful for where I am and take in all I can. / The week is what I make of it. / I just watched the horses play and it was peaceful. / I have cried twice today and it is only 9:30a. / Feels like home. / I've grown so much here. / Right now I feel content and peaceful. / Last shift, check. 

It was powerful for me. And everyone really appreciated it and thanked me. One of my supervisors asked me to give her a copy to hang up. I felt like I left work really well. It will be weird not returning next Wednesday. And honestly, I think that I'm going to miss it too - just not enough to go back.

Well, I think for now that's all I'm going to write. My brain is still feeling pretty fried. I will say that I am so glad to be home and so excited for this week to 'relax' and also continue to prepare for my next adventure. Don't worry, I'll keep you posted!

Until next time, don't forget to let your body rest.