Lately I have been feeling a little bit like a caged animal pacing behind the bars of my cage, drooling over the adventure and 'freedom' I see just beyond my reach. Ok, maybe that is a little bit of an exaggeration, but not much. I am starting to feel antsy for a new adventure. Perhaps that is partly because I have been a little bit of a shut in since Asheville got snow everything has been closed. Seriously, they cancelled church today.
Here's the problem though, I'm too much of a 'plan person' to just pick up and move. I guess you could call me "responsible." I want to have adventures - I want to just get in my car and drive! Buuuuut, I have an apartment that I have to pay rent for and a job that I'm expected to show up to and bills and ugh. Adult life. And yet, I kind of like all those things; you see I'm in this pickle. Let me break it down for you.
Pickle: Part 1
I want to go places and travel, have new experiences.
Pickle: Part 2
I want to settle down and have a home base.
Pickle: Part 3
I want a new job.
Pickle: Part 4
I like my job and I'm being offered new opportunities.
Pickle: Part 5
I don't know what I want to do with my life.
So you see, I am in a pickle. And if you know me, you'll know that struggling with living in the present and being content has always been something of a struggle for me. Honestly, living and working here in NC has probably been the longest time that I have felt content and present. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that these feelings are back, and I'm starting to wonder if every human gets these feelings and desires.
I guess in some ways the future kind of scares me though. I mean, here I am 24 years old, with a handful of experiences and still very much clueless with what I want to do. Yeah, sure, go ahead and say it. "Rachel.... YOU'RE 24!" But I hate that! The new thing with my generation is that, "it's ok to not know what you're doing." But is it? And yeah, sure I know that I am doing things to further my career and I am saving money and, really, I'm in a pretty good place for a 24 year old, but I still have this nagging feeling. I don't even know what my 5 year goal would be at this point. It is all very stressful for me to think about.
Really I just wish that someone would tell me what to do, what job to have, where to move or stay. But we all know that's not going to happen, unless it is myself. But uh, if yall know of any cool opportunities that you think I'd be a good match for, don't hesitate to shoot them my way!
Alright, alright, I'm sure that's enough of a view into my crazy brain for this post. Let me get back to the present moment. Last shift one of my bosses asked me to read a couple books. One of them is called, "Shouting at the Sky," by Gary Ferguson. If you have read my blog in the past, you will know that I have struggled with describing what I do for work. THIS BOOK is the closest and most descriptive account of what I do. Obviously there are differences because it is not the same program but the meat of it all is the same. The book is a narrative that goes through the day to day of Wilderness Therapy. I highly recommend it, it is powerful stuff.
I was also asked if I wanted to create and run a Lead Training program for work. It was pretty awesome that I was asked to do this and I have already started working on it, and have come up with some pretty cool things that I'm excited to present. I'll have to keep you all posted!
Alright, well that is it for now. Sorry for the abrupt ending, but that's all I got!
Until next time, read that book.
Sunday, January 24, 2016
Monday, January 11, 2016
3-2-1.. HAPPY NEW YEAR! Wait..what day is it?
Well Blog Readers, I just went back and reread the post from before my double shift. Maybe I should've titled this one, "I survived!" Let me start off by saying that I can't believe it is mid January already! Spending two weeks in the woods was quite the experience and it really distorted my concept of time. Thank everyone for the encouragement and prayers on my behalf, I am so grateful!
It was a very memorable couple weeks. I was in the same group and leading both weeks. Before Christmas we went and cut down a Roto tree and we did Secret Santa presents (wilderness style) and told stories and memories from our own lives. Most of the girls expressed some kind of gratitude at being there because they felt like the group was a family, it was kinda neat to see and experience. Christmas Eve was one of the first nights that it wasn't raining and the moon was out shinning brilliantly. As the girls were getting in bed one of them asked if she could sing Silent Night, and I knew that God was there. I mentioned that was a tradition that Willow Creek (my home church) does every Christmas, and here in the middle of the woods in North Carolina, I got to have that little tradition with me. It was very special. Later that night, after all the paperwork was done and the girls were sleeping, I stuffed stockings and my co-staff helped me hang them up. We put goodie bags under the tree and all the letters and cards they had received from their families. The next morning with santa hat on I witnessed pure excitement, joy and thankfulness. And it sent my heart soaring. The gifts were so small and yet to the girls it meant so much. We spent the morning in sleeping bags "opening" gifts and eating candy canes. There were tears but there was also laughter and gratitude. We had a special Christmas dinner with chicken, mashed potatoes, green beans, rolls, annnnnd apple pie. And then, just as soon as it arrived, it left and we went on with the week.
The hardest day was the second Wednesday and then the Thursday after it. It was really hard seeing my co-staff who were only working a single shift leave. It was hard knowing that I was here for a whole other week! But I was working with a good friend and that made it a whole lot better. The second week actually went by pretty fast. We got transported out to expo and had some interesting moments. It was cold, very cold BUT it wasn't rainy. I will take freezing cold over rain ANY DAY. And the nights were clear which meant the stars were breathtaking, which was a little dangerous because the cold was also breathtaking.. soo. I also got to wake up to a unreal sunrise at least 3 mornings. I'm talking hand painted, stunning colors. So many beautiful things surrounded me, so many things for me to be grateful for.
I had brought out sparklers and popper things for NYE and we had a fun day playing games and then later playing with sparklers. Me and my co-staff saved the poppers and the next morning abruptly woke them up yelling and dancing! We got some great screams; it's the small things that keep you sane ;)
By the end of the two weeks I'd say that I knew the girls pretty well. I had some deep talks with some of them and offered up whatever help and words of wisdom I had. And by that time they had all, each one of them, had expressed deep gratitude towards me. Thanking me for making Christmas and NYE special, for showing them that I genuinely cared, for helping them. Those moments were special for me. Their words of appreciation really meant a lot to me.
These weeks were also the first time that a student wrote me a letter. She was graduating from the program and gave it to me before she left. Her and I checked in multiple times this week as she was struggling with some things. We got to talk through things and I helped her process and gave some insight on the situations. She wrote, "I am so grateful to have had you as a staff for my last two weeks. You have given me advice that I will use for the rest of my life." The letter goes on to say other things too, but that really struck me. There are so many times when I question my job and what I'm doing. There are many times when I feel like a wilderness babysitter who doesn't get paid enough. Then there are other times when I am blown away that I get paid to wake up to sunrises and lay under stars. But then there are times like these, when I get a reminder that these kids are still so young and that one way or another I am impacting their lives. Talk about powerful. My job is hard, more times than not frustrating, but it is also so incredible. I am very grateful to have the opportunity to impact the lives of these young people. And I hope that I can continue to remember that even through the hard times.
Anyway. I officially signed my papers to start working as climbing instructor! So that is exciting. And despite the chilly temperatures I still have been going out to ride! I have also received multiple cards and packages from family and friends and I just wanted to say that I am so grateful for those gifts and thoughts. It made coming back to my apartment special! I'm sure that I am leaving things out but that's all I got for now.
Until next time, do more of what makes your soul happy.
My life from the past two weeks (minus what I carry for work)
The hardest day was the second Wednesday and then the Thursday after it. It was really hard seeing my co-staff who were only working a single shift leave. It was hard knowing that I was here for a whole other week! But I was working with a good friend and that made it a whole lot better. The second week actually went by pretty fast. We got transported out to expo and had some interesting moments. It was cold, very cold BUT it wasn't rainy. I will take freezing cold over rain ANY DAY. And the nights were clear which meant the stars were breathtaking, which was a little dangerous because the cold was also breathtaking.. soo. I also got to wake up to a unreal sunrise at least 3 mornings. I'm talking hand painted, stunning colors. So many beautiful things surrounded me, so many things for me to be grateful for.
I had brought out sparklers and popper things for NYE and we had a fun day playing games and then later playing with sparklers. Me and my co-staff saved the poppers and the next morning abruptly woke them up yelling and dancing! We got some great screams; it's the small things that keep you sane ;)
By the end of the two weeks I'd say that I knew the girls pretty well. I had some deep talks with some of them and offered up whatever help and words of wisdom I had. And by that time they had all, each one of them, had expressed deep gratitude towards me. Thanking me for making Christmas and NYE special, for showing them that I genuinely cared, for helping them. Those moments were special for me. Their words of appreciation really meant a lot to me.
These weeks were also the first time that a student wrote me a letter. She was graduating from the program and gave it to me before she left. Her and I checked in multiple times this week as she was struggling with some things. We got to talk through things and I helped her process and gave some insight on the situations. She wrote, "I am so grateful to have had you as a staff for my last two weeks. You have given me advice that I will use for the rest of my life." The letter goes on to say other things too, but that really struck me. There are so many times when I question my job and what I'm doing. There are many times when I feel like a wilderness babysitter who doesn't get paid enough. Then there are other times when I am blown away that I get paid to wake up to sunrises and lay under stars. But then there are times like these, when I get a reminder that these kids are still so young and that one way or another I am impacting their lives. Talk about powerful. My job is hard, more times than not frustrating, but it is also so incredible. I am very grateful to have the opportunity to impact the lives of these young people. And I hope that I can continue to remember that even through the hard times.
Anyway. I officially signed my papers to start working as climbing instructor! So that is exciting. And despite the chilly temperatures I still have been going out to ride! I have also received multiple cards and packages from family and friends and I just wanted to say that I am so grateful for those gifts and thoughts. It made coming back to my apartment special! I'm sure that I am leaving things out but that's all I got for now.
Until next time, do more of what makes your soul happy.
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