Open doors aren't always easy

Today was hard. It is the day that I would've started training as a summer Adventure Trip Guide for Timber-lee if I had not felt like I was being called to NC. The decision to take the NC job was not an easy one. It meant leaving. Leaving an incredible opportunity at a camp that I love and feel a very personal connection to, leaving relationships that are very dear to me, leaving behind what I know and what is comfortable to me. Today as I took a hatchet over to the group of people, my friends, who I would've been working with, I didn't realize how hard it was going to hit me. I could feel it welling up inside of me, and then my would-be boss pulled me in for a hug and said, "We'll miss you."  And I lost it. Admitting this isn't easy, but I have a point that goes along with it.

As I said, the decision to go with the NC job wasn't simple for me. I prayed and fasted intently waiting to hear where God would call me; that I could see the "right" door so blatantly and make the "right" choice. But then God opened two amazing doors, and it became clear he was going to leave the choice to me.

To switch gears a little, I'm reading a book that my mom gave me, "All the Places to Go" by John Ortberg. This book is all about open doors, and reading it now has provided me with a lot of insight. There was one line that really stood out to me so far and here seems like a fitting place to put it, "But we chose it [the open door] because the adventure of yes seemed more alive than the safety of no." Both of my open doors where going to lead to adventure, and I knew that God was going to doing amazing things which ever route I took.

After going to my pre-hire training session in NC I knew it was an incredible place. But I questioned it. I was sitting at the airport in NC recapping the weekend with my parents, and told my dad I wasn't sure about it; that I wasn't sure if that's where God was calling me, maybe it wasn't the "right" door. He responded by asking if I had not just heard the story I told. That during those few days I had felt comfort, peace, overwhelming beauty, growth, challenges, opportunities to own my faith, and felt heart broken and inspired for and by the kids I would get to work with. He responded by telling me I should go. I was so taken back. 1. I couldn't believe my parents were encouraging me to move half way across the country! and 2. How had I been so blind? The answer: fear. Just as Ortberg says, "the safety of no." I knew the job in WI was going to challenge and stretch me, but there was still safety and comfortability. I was scared to take the job in NC. Move to a place I'd only been once, not knowing anyone, not remotely near my family, and having a pretty big life style change. But how could I say no?  As soon as I officially accepted the job I knew it was right. I was (am) scared and I'm anxious and I'm excited. But right now I'm sad, because when I chose this door, it meant I had to close the other door. But I think this sadness is the silver lining because I think it signifies how much this camp, the people, and the memories mean to me.

In two weeks I will be starting at Trails Carolina. And I am a little scared, but I think everyone should do something that scares them, because when you go outside your comfort zone, that is when you will grow.