When a week feels like a year

It has come to my attention that simple moments constantly change our lives. All of our decisions dictate what direction our lives will go: going to college or not, taking a job, getting a hair cut, going on a date, everything. And perhaps some of the decisions will get us to the same place: eating Taco Bell or Chipotle might both bring you to the bathroom.. But you get the point. Our lives can change in a moment.

Last Wednesday, in a single moment, my life changed. I was driving to work and out of no where felt as if I was going to pass out. This has happened a couple times to me, so I knew the feeling. The last thing I remember was putting on my turn signal to try to get to the side of the road. The next thing I know there is a man at my window asking if I'm ok, smoke, broken glass, and so much confusion and anxiety. My first thought was that I had hit this man's car. I can not even begin to express the emotions that I was feeling. It was completely overwhelming. I had no idea what had occurred that got me into this state. Everything that happened within in the next half an hour was such a blur. The paramedics came and put me on a backboard with a brace around my neck. During this time I could only think of three things: 1) no one could find my phone in my car and all I wanted was to call my parents. 2) Without my phone I had no way of contacting my work to tell them what happened and that I wasn't intentionally ditching (this caused me great amounts of stress). 3) Lifeguard training. Weird, but we practiced a lot of scenarios with backboards in case of spinal injuries. However I learned that when you are actually in a serious situation being strapped on a backboard and not being able to move or look anywhere but up is extremely discomforting. I was in pretty serious shock and had high levels of anxiety. On the way to the hospital the paramedics were able to get ahold of my dad and informed him of the accident. The only visible injuries were a few cuts on my shoulder. There was some pain in my left elbow and foot, but otherwise everything seemed fine. While I was strapped down I was told that I had rolled my car 3-4 times before coming to the final stopping point in a ditch. I couldn't believe it. I had and have no memory of the accident. But I was told that since I was unconscious I evaded a lot of injury since my body just rolled with the motions, literally. I also don't have the trauma that comes along with experiencing a car accident; but I have a different kind of "trauma" the one that comes along with not really understanding. Since I don't remember anything happening, it is very surreal that it even happened. It is hard for me to wrap my head around. While at the hospital I had a serious of xrays taken, a CT scan and some blood work done. Everything came back within reason. When I was finally able to talk to my dad we spent a few minutes overwhelmed by emotion. I was able to talk to my mom shortly after and am so grateful for the parents that I have. Not only were/are they a huge source of encouragement, support, and love but they were willing to drop everything to come and be with me (although I thought it was unnecessary). They were already planning out what the next steps of this process looked like and were ready to support me in any way they could. Point being: my parents are incredible and I am so blessed by them.

The rest of the day dragged on. I was anxious to get out of the hospital and go to work. I had my mind set on it. First I had to make a stop at the towing company and get all of my stuff out of my car and hope that I could find my phone. I took a "cab" from the hospital and this older man Mike was my driver. He was an interesting individual but very helpful. He helped me find my phone in my car which had somehow gotten under the floor boards. This was such a big win for me because it is amazing how much harder life becomes when you don't have a phone and all of the things that are saved in that small little device. It was also pretty hard seeing my Jeep. I couldn't understand how I was standing there, with a simple cut on my shoulder looking at it. Shortly after I had called my insurance company and got the ball rolling on my claims. They were very easy to talk to and the process went a lot faster than I thought. As this was happening all of the messages from the morning came pouring in on my phone. All of my family was alerted and in communication. Prayers were going on all while I was in the hospital. I felt so loved and cared for. 

I then proceed to take a cab all the way to work. It turned out to be an interesting drive with this guy Mike, who had way too many stories to tell that I certainly didn't care about. But I got to work and when I walked through the door, my boss was shocked that I was even there. We talked for awhile and came to the conclusion that I should at least take a day off. The plan was to stay with my supervisor, whose name also happens to be Rachel. Rachel and her boyfriend and I went out to eat and as we were driving there I began to feel myself go downhill. During dinner my head began to hurt and increased drastically over a short period of time and I was extremely nauseous, unable to eat anything. I briefly mentioned this to my parents and was directed to go back to the hospital. Rachel and Ron took me back and I was admitted promptly. They patiently waited as I underwent another CT scan and more blood work. This time in the hospital I had my phone and was in communication with my family. I had sent a picture of all the bracelets they put on my wrist, one of which labeling me as, "fall risk." My sister initially thought it said, "fail," and asked, "does that say 'fail'? As in fail at being a human, ended up in hospital?" And even in my unfavorable condition I couldn't help but laugh.  The doctor came back to tell me I had a concussion, gave me some medicine and prescriptions and sent me on my way. I was to be woken up every two hours to make sure I hadn't slipped into a coma. I did not get very much sleep that night. But on Thursday I slept almost the entire day and woke up feeling very rested and much more like myself. The soreness had begun to kick in, but it wasn't as bad as I had expected. And then I went to work Friday morning.

The rest of the week in the woods was a good distraction from my accident. I had my hands full and was grateful to be thinking of something else. I was first placed in a younger boys group. Any time you are placed in a different group it takes awhile to get settled. Every group operates a little differently and you have to build rapport with the kids. The younger boys were a handful, to say the least. I quickly began to miss the older boys. I was suppose to work with them again, but they were scheduled to do harder hikes that I didn't think my body was ready for yet. But I eventually figured it out with the younger boys, and made due. Then I was transferred to a middle aged girls group. And oh my, talk about transition. Boys and girls groups are night and day. I did my best to mesh and did pretty well, but it was hard. I was grateful when Wednesday rolled up.

Coming out of the field was kind of a reality check. The accident and aftermath that I had been able to periodically forget while in the field was now surrounding me. But I am so grateful for everyone who came around to help me. I was offered multiple rides back to Asheville, which I gladly accepted! It was weird not having my Jeep, it was hard and sad. But it was when I was putting my stuff into my co-staff's car that I realized it had already been a week since my accident. It is true that a moment can change your life, but time keeps ticking on and we still have to move on with it.

I felt overwhelmed with emotions during that one week more times that I ever anticipated or wanted. What started off with fear, anxiety, and confusion was taken over by love, encouragement, grace, mercy, healing, and peace. It wasn't in God's plan to call me Home on July 1st, so here I am today. I am ready to live each day that He gives me as a chance to bring glory to His name. He brought me on this journey and He never said it was going to be easy, but I know He will be with me, and I know He will take care of me on this exciting adventure we call life.

Until next time, tell the ones you love that you love them. You can never say it too much. 

(this post is starting to feel like a year - sorry folks!)