This post is one that may seem random and unlike the others that I have written, primarily because this one is digging into parts of my mind and heart that I rarely share.
This post is about those people who just have a grip on your life, your heart, and you just don't know how to get them away. And you can go ahead and replace 'you' with 'my' for that last sentence.
And just let me be clear, this post has nothing to do with the fact that some stupid hallmark holiday is coming up. Gag me.
Last shift one of my co-workers said something along the lines of:
We are all puzzles, our pieces scattered about when we are born and we have no idea what the complete picture looks like. But as we go through life we collect pieces and as we meet people we collect pieces and as we experiences different things we... collect pieces. Everyone and everything pieces together a little bit more of the puzzle, good and bad.
I think there is a lot of truth in that. We are influenced by everything and everyone around us, positively and negatively. Some people can impact us more than other, again, positively or negatively. And sometimes I think that sucks.
I don't even know how to write this post without being completely passive and to be honest I really am not sure if writing this is even going to be good or relieving for my heart. I highly doubt it.
I just have a question and if anyone knows the answer, please, please, enlighten me.
Why do some people linger in your heart? Even long after you have realized you don't want them there. Even when years have passed. Even when you get angry and upset when the thought of them comes up again. Is there any way to get rid of puzzle pieces?
But then I think, my puzzle would be incomplete without that piece. The piece has shaped me to become the person that I am today, and as much as I loathe it, continues to shape me even today. I don't know if wanting that piece to be gone is good or bad; I don't know who I would be if that piece was never in my life.
But I guess it doesn't matter because I can't turn back time. And the piece is in my puzzle and for whatever reason continues to poke my brain to remind me it is there. Someone once told me, "You will continue to have the same lesson until you have learned from it." I do not know what else I can learn from this and I really am getting fed up trying to learn anything else from it. What I'm waiting for is to learn how to let go. And I mean really let go.
Maybe that is the problem, that I just don't know how to let go. I can't image a part of me that is still holding on and yet I know it is true. If you were to ask me to name a characteristic trait I'd use to describe myself the first one I'd say is loyal. I'd say that I can be loyal to a fault.
So, what? Because I have this trait I get screwed over? That doesn't seem fair.
Well, I guess my question from above changes: how do you really let people go?
Until next time, I'm still asking questions and searching for answers.
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