Story Time

Can I tell you a story? Good, here goes:

Content:

Content was a medium size word, bigger than Joy and Happy but smaller than Dissatisfied and Depressed. Content is evasive though. Joy and Happy are more - sporadic. But they pop up regularly. Depression, well he is around a good chunk of time. And he is obnoxious because he always seems to show up at the most inconvenient times. Dissatisfied is fairly predictable, and that is what makes him somewhat annoying too. You see Dissatisfied comes strolling around the corner right when Content is getting settled. Now, there certainly are others, Motivated, Will - who is very strong and Frustrated, just to name a few.

*Enter Rachel*

All of these emotions meet inside of me, just as I'm sure they meet inside of you. I have spent many years battling Depression and Dissatisfied, searching desperately for Content. Along the way I have found Joy, many times. And Happy and I have run into each other often as well. But I have found that those interactions tend to be brief; Maybe it is days, weeks or months, but they always seem to be chased out of town by big bad Depressed and Dissatisfied.

So naturally I try to figure it out, why am I better friends with Depressed and Dissatisfied? Why is Content so hard to befriend and build a solid relationship with? And there is definitely a pattern.

I get 'tired' and 'done' with where I find myself in life. I can go back in the files to prove it:

Jr high I just wanted to be in high school. *Content showed for a little bit* High school I just wanted  to be in college. *Content showed for a little bit* College I just wanted to graduate. *Content showed for a little bit* Working a job I just wanted another adventure.

See the pattern? If not let me reiterate: I just wanted. All that I wanted, I eventually got. But did the things that I got bring me contentment? Sure, for a little bit. But what am I missing? I know that I have been following God's call on my life. I have felt it so fiercely that I can't deny it. Here is what I've come up with so far.

One battle that I know that I am still figuring out is not just following God's call on my life but also his timing. Frustrated tends to show up during these times. Typically shadowing Motivated and Strong Will. I have found that when I get 'done' with where I am I also become very motivated towards finding the next thing. I also become pretty strong willed and perhaps hardheaded with my feelings towards my current situation. I don't think being motivated is a bad thing, but I think what I need to learn is how to control my attitude and heart while I'm searching for that next thing. I know that God will bring me to exactly where I need to be, he has, after all, done that and provided for me in unimaginable ways on my journey thus far. I just need to learn that his timing is also perfect and I am where I am suppose to be until he brings me elsewhere.

And all of that is.... easier said than done. But I am learning nonetheless.

The other pattern I have recently just noticed goes along with my work. If there are two things that I would say to describe myself right off the bat it would be: loyal and hard worker. I have been working since I can remember. And I love it. There is something about the structure of work that is just good for me.

The past couple of stages of my life I can apply this pattern to. Before I go on I want to say that this is not me attacking or looking down on either place of employment. I am so grateful for both opportunities and have learned so much from each. What I have noticed is that with both my past job and my current job I have hit a wall. Now if you look at it, what is seemingly the only thing they have in common? Me, of course. And I definitely have my part to play in all of this, I already admitted that. But hear me out. At what point did I become 'done' with my work in both situations? When I topped out. When I didn't feel as though I was being challenged anymore, when there was no more responsibility to be earned, when there was no room for advancement. I desire growth. I crave it. I want to work hard and bring all that I can to the table. But if I'm being honest, I also want to be acknowledged, even slightly. The smallest gratitude can fuel and energize me for weeks. I desire challenge. I want to continue to learn and become better. These things are important to me, they drive me and ultimately keep my attention. I think, among some other factors including my own shortcomings, this also pushes me to seek other opportunities.

I don't think that there is anything wrong with seeking other opportunities either. Just as long as I am listening to god's call and being mindful of his timing, not mine.

Content. He is a difficult concept. A lot harder for me to understand than any of the others I named. But him and I are working it out. And the more that I learn about god and myself, the closer I get to understanding. I remind myself of a post that I wrote a while ago - joy comes in the form of thankfulness. And there is so much that I have to be thankful for. For instance, I am now officially a Wilderness First Responder aka WFR (pronounced woof-er). Also, tomorrow I will head back into the woods for the first time in 3 weeks -eek! And I actually think that I am content about that. Would I prefer to not be going? Yeah, but I am. So let's make the best of it, huh?

Well, I think that's all I got for y'all this time around. Until next time, if you go swimming remember to thank your lifeguard. Their job is boring and they are there to save your life :)