Thursday was the beginning of my three weeks off. Woah, what a feeling. I took next shift off. The first shift I have taken off since I started working at Trails last June. I will be taking a WFR course, something that I have wanted to take for awhile now. I’m pretty excited about it, but even more so I am looking forward to having THREE weeks that I will be living in civilization. I almost can’t wrap my head around it.
This past week was really good. I was with the oldest girls group, the one that I had spent two weeks with over the holidays. It was pretty great to be back with them and to meet some new faces. We spent the first half of the week camping out in the snow. That was my first experience camping in the snow and it was… interesting. It actually wasn't too bad to be honest. The hikes were a little more challenging because walking on snow and ice uses different muscles. My feet actually got a little sore too. The girls handled it well though - although I spent a lot of time talking about gratitude, perspective, mentality and choosing what you make of the moment. It was actually a fairly inspirational week. It was very cold though and I put a lot of time and energy into making sure everyone was safe and cared for. The later part of the week we went to base, a very welcomed break from the cold. There I spent two and a half days putting in the hard work of bow drilling.
BOW DRILLING
There were multiple girls who needed to bust coals this week and who were beyond frustrated with the art of bow drilling. Real quick just to make sure we are all on the same page this is what bow drilling is: the act of using your set, all hand made (a bow, a fire board, a top rock and spindle) and drilling the spindle into the fire board to cause enough friction to create punk and then in turn create or “bust” a coal.
What does this look like?
A mix between, working your tail off and then throwing spindles at the ground, shouting, “I CAN”T DO THIS! IT’S SO STUPID!” All while those lovely crocodile tears mixed with real tears are hotly streaming down red faces.
It looks like getting so mad and walking away, but coming back because your set is hot.
It looks like smoking billowing out over your board and then busting the notch, going all the way back to square one.
It looks like all the girls giving their full attention when the smoke gets thicker.
It looks like busting a fader and being so. stinking. close. and wanting to keep going but give up at the same time.
It looks like beads of sweat on your forehead even though it’s cold enough to see your breath.
What does it sound like?
It sounds like a bunch of girls singing/screaming the ABC’s and then counting to 10, “YOU CAN DO IT! PUSH, PUSH! BREATHE!”
It sounds like raw disappointment: when you feel like you’re just never going to get it.
It sounds like raw empathy: when a girl who has busted keeps encouraging the one who is trying, reminiscing how hard it was for her to get her first coal.
It sounds like desperation: wanting to bust so bad, wanting to accomplish something you have put so much time into, wanting to be done with it!
Bow drilling is hard. It takes time. It is frustrating. So, this week, I broke out my set that I had put away for so long because just like the girls I, too, was frustrated. But as I mentioned earlier I spent a lot of time this week “preaching” at the girls about mentality, perspective and gratitude. It was time I started practicing what I was preaching. So each day I got my set out and started working on it. And the girls who needed to bow drill would come and join me, “bow drill parties.” And no, they aren’t as fun as they sound. And I put the work in, just like the girls. I rasped three new spindles, made a new fire board, and then started working on my first notch. And the girls were working hard too. And they got mad and frustrated and sad. And I busted a fader just as my first notch broke. And I got frustrated. But I kept working. And the girls came and went as their frustrations came and went. And we were covered in wood shavings from working on our sets. But I stayed. And I kept working. And I didn’t bust that night. So the next day, I got back at it. And so did the girls. And we put in the time and the work and the sweat. I worked through three notches. My shoulder hurt. My knee hurt. I felt like such an old person, and I’m not saying this to toot my own horn, but I just couldn’t give up. And it was a mix between not wanting to give up for myself and not wanting to give up for those girls. Because now it wasn’t just them against bow drilling, it was us against bow drilling. And I couldn’t stop. And then, it happened. I busted my very first coal. And it was a fatty coal too (really big). And I couldn’t have been more excited. And then… two of the other girls busted coals too. And the energy was unreal! (Almost) Everyone was celebrating an good vibes filled the air. But one girl still hadn’t busted and it wasn’t looking good for her. But she was fighting a different battle. One that wasn’t just between her and her bow drill set, but came more from within. She is still fighting both battles, and I am confident when she overcomes one the other will be easily won.
Bow drilling looks like all of those things that I described earlier, but it looks completely different when you bust your first coal. It feels euphoric. A wave of accomplishment and relief. It also looks like screaming girls, jumping up and down, celebrating the completion of a challenge they must all face one day. It looks like tears of joy for some girls, like the biggest smiles they’ve had in days or weeks. It looks like burning a hole in letter paper to show mom or dad that it actually happened! It looks like hard earned pride and self worth.
I am so proud of those girls. I am proud of them for fighting the fight, for throwing in the towel and picking it up again. Because yeah, it is just bow drilling but to be honest, it is so much more than that. It is, “If I can do this, if I can put the work into this and not give up even though I want to, what else can I do?” It is that “what else am I capable of when I put my mind to it.”
I guess I’m pretty proud of myself too. It truly was an amazing feeling. And just like the girls I, too, felt the rush of accomplishment and pride. And I too burned my coal into paper. This job is hard work but moments like that, that makes it worth it. So that’s my bow drilling story. I will say that I’m pretty excited to get back on it when I return back after my couple weeks off.
Last but not least: In the oldest girls group one of the therapists brings out mantras. One staff holds them all upside down and the girls pick one and try to relate what it says to their life and use the coming week to reflect on it's words. The night that I busted my coal I picked this mantra, "She was unstoppable not because she did not have failures or doubts, but because she continued on despite them." It was the first time I have heard this and I couldn't believe how much it related to me for bow drilling and more significantly, to my life. I'm not saying I'm "unstoppable" but I am saying that I have experienced so much success, big and small, and I truly believe it is because I have chosen not to give up. That I have taken the times that I have failed, the times when life seemed to be pooping on me at every turn, that I questioned my decisions, that I have doubted my foundation, that I have taken major leaps of faith and kept pushing through. I don't know where life is going to take me next, but I know that I am capable.
Alright, so now, before I go I am going to leave you all with a beautiful poem. I wish I could take credit for it, but it actually came from that book I recommended last post.
Until next time, may you push yourself farther than you thought you could to accomplish something you knew you could.
"Out here is where the magic happens,
here in the quiet, gentle hills.
Here is where you have cried out
with moans as deep as the earth.
Here is where you have found your long-lost
precious self that the madness took away.
You will leave part of yourself here,
but you will take all the hope in the world with you.
So when you get back to those people
who talk big in large rooms, you will know this:
You have been silent in places too beautiful for words."
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